A Much Needed Rant

Why does Academia have to be so political? I swear sometimes I think about just going to Law School, at least there the sharks show their teeth. Don't get me wrong, I see the amazing work folks are producing by rethinking theories and histories, but every now and then I can't help but take a second look and question whether I see myself in these spaces. Maybe I'm just frustrated with all the hustling I've been doing with grad school applications... la verdad no sé. Am I really suppose to compete with other people by proving to grad schools why I'm some kind of a badass that should accept me into their program and not the other person who might NEED this opportunity just as much? How am I suppose to feel knowing that there's some other Latin@ out there who has worked just as hard as me to get where they're at, and I have to compete with them because we're working under this capitalist system? What am I suppose to think when I'm competing against people whom have sacrificed pieces of themselves so they can be here because they too have dreams?  
I just need a second (or two) to breathe and remind myself of why I committed myself to this work. All these late nighters (sometimes all nighters) weren't for nothing. All those times I had to hustle to make ends meet in order for me to stay in school weren't porque se me dio la gana. I truly believe in this work and I value what it means to people from different communities, which is why Cisnero's House on Mango Street has always been that refuge for me. Cada vez que leo, "When you leave you must remember to come back for the others. A circle, understand? You will always be Esperanza. You will always be Mango Street. You can't erase what you know. You can't forget who you are," goosebumps rise and tears start streaming down my face. Those are the moments that remind me of why I am here... The truth of the matter is that I am doing this for my siblings. I want them to know they can always come to me for anything-- they're the ones that keep me going. Aside from working hard to watch them grow into strong and compassionate human beings, I want the opportunity to mentor people who have often times been told they can't surmount to other people's expectations. 
Michelle Obama recently made a commet that resonated in my heart: "If it weren't for a little dreamin', I wouldn't be here. See because I was that ten-year old little girl. I am not supposed to be here. I wasn't supposed to go to Princeton because somebody told me my test scores weren't high enough. I wasn't supposed to go to Harvard law school because they said it would be too much for me. Every step of the way, in my life, and so many of you out there have bee

n told no, don't, you can't, wait we're not ready, wait you're turn, all the while, knowing in your heart, that you are better than anybody's limited expectations of you... I want young people out there to understand that if they push past other people's limited expectations of them and reach for their seats at the table that other people feel so entitled to, when they get to that table, they're going to find that they are just as ready, just as qualified as, just as capable as anyone sitting around that table. See because those doubts and fears that we fester in this society, those are a lie. So we need to do a little dreaming."First of all I want to say fuck the table! It represents the structures of capitalism that have us competing and stabbing each other in the back; however, I do agree with the fact that we have to go back for the others. It's a circle. This is what I constantly say to myself... I'm here to do everything I can to support and motivate those that have been told they can't write that amazing novel, or those that are told they aren't good enough for college so they might as well find an alternative. Aquí estoy, ready to pass down my hustling skills to the next badass.